Last year my closest friends and I gathered for a NYE party. It was a great night and I thought a perfect way to say goodbye. You see last year (2009) had so many obstacles I had no clue how to overcome and having fulfilled my dream of living in NY, I thought perhaps it was enough and time to move on.
A random FB encounter brought a stranger to the party who saw what my friends could not. He confronted me, he held me, I cried but I was not yet convinced. The 2nd FB encounter was not so happy as it was soon into the new year that I found out a dear friend had taken his own life. At first I was envious but then the anger overwhelmed me. His reasons – though very real and valid for him as mine were for me — seemed selfish and could have been resolved with the help of his friends over time. It was a glimpse into the reality of what I would have put my friends through and I couldn’t do it.
Soon after my 3rd FB encounter re-introduced me to Michael Mut and his new gallery. All of a sudden my life had meaning again and art was back in my life. It made the drudgery of the day job more bearable and sparked the flame that introduced me to amazing artists. It also lead me to begin curating again as RG giving me the opportunity to work with people who I respect and admire.
2010 was certainly a year of lessons, of lack and of boundaries. I’ve learned who and what I can count on and was sad to realize others were only a mirage. I’ve allowed a small dog to enter Ella and my life and bring such love and joy it astonishes me and I’ve fallen even more madly in love with the city I call home. My body is healthier, my meditation stronger as is my curiosity of what is possible and what is next.
So here I sit almost a year later, a year older and hopefully a year wiser. Do I want to live to be 100? HELL FUCK-N NO but what if I had forfeited this past year. What great art I’ve seen, what great people and artists (yes, I realize artists are people) I’ve met. Perhaps I haven’t allowed myself to laugh enough and certainly my famous quote this year that “I’d rather cut my throat that fall in love” may seem a bit harsh in reflection but perhaps that is the challenge for the new year.
What I hope to share is that you just never know what’s around the bend. Every bump, every corner leads where you need to go even if it’s not where you think you’re heading at the time. Stay on the course…
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions” — Rilke
Happy 2011!
